I Don't Think You're Ready for This Jelly.

Whenever Kate and I travel together, people always ask if we are twins. Portland was no different, so rather than explain the whole situation, we’ve just decided to go with it. I guess the fact that we ended up wearing the exact same shirt and exact same hair do on the exact same day, didn’t really help… pure accident I promise.

Its hard to really pinpoint my favorite part of the trip, it was just all so good, so I’ve opted to just highlight a few of the… well… highlights.

Patrick stopped me in the Portland airport just to say “Hi” apparently he works for a music label in L.A. with “high profile clients” similar to Taylor Swift and staring in High School Musical. Since my vocal skills aren’t up to par, I’d be happy to introduce anyone to Patrick who was shafted from this seasons American Idol.

Breakfast at Mother’s Bistro (lonely rider): Normally breakfast alone (no pun intended) would be enough, since it is my favorite meal of the day, but a breakfast consisting of coconut, macadamia nut pancakes… Heaven! Curtis, and army recruiter and Macey’s shoe salesman, stop by for breakfast as well. After an hour long discussion, I clarified that “No I was not a lesbian visiting Portland with my lover” “No I don’t care to join the Army and “Yes I would love a shoe hookup at Macey’s”. Curtis paid for my breakfast and we said our goodbyes.

Vodoo Dougnuts: The final stop on this years amazing race and perhaps one, or two (it was too good we had to go back), of the most interesting stops on the trip. It’s just a hop, skip and saunter through homeless row to get to this shady part of town, but worth the hepatitis risk. I settled for 2 pound banana fritter, glazed and then drizzled with chocolate and peanut butter and topped with chocolate chips and chopped peanuts. It took me about 12 hours to eat it, but I don’t regret it, my pants do, but not me.


The round 2 jaunt to Voodoo Doughnuts resulted in the following, somewhat one sided “conversation” with a random man on the street near homeless row:

• Scary Man (SM): Excuse me.
• Me (M): Yes?(said in a shaky, scared voice as I grabbed tighter to my bags)
• SM: Girl U is FINE!
• SM: U a member of the club.
• M: ahh… (quickly walking away)
• SM: U do know what club that is? (getting louder)
• SM: U DO KNOW WHAT CLUB THAT IS!
• M: What club (speed walking at this point and weighted down by my 2 lb doughnut.. pre-eating)
• SM: The BOOTYLICIOUS club baby! U can have ALL my money…
  At this point Kate and I were laughing so hard we could barely walk. I'm still not sure if bootylicious is a compliment or a low blow. On one hand, he compared me to Beyonce…. On the other… well…let’s just say maybe I should lay off the doughnuts.

Sorry Kate, you aren’t in this “exclusive club” with me and Destiny’s Child. Maybe try the “Savory” doughnut next time. Those 2 strips of bacon on top of the maple bar have got to add a few more calories,